Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
