i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
