so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
