there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
