Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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