I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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