If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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