rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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