Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
