He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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