i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
