I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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