Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
