Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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