4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
