Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
