uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
