U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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