dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize