We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
