please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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