either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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