i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
