I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize