Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
