Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
