i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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