tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
