Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
