the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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