its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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