Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
North Korea, Best Korea!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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