We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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