Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
is it fun? or sober?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
