She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
