You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
