Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
