My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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