Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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