Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
BRING THE BAGELS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
