You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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