allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
