This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
