im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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