How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
