do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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