on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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