These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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