Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
