weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
