My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
