on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
