The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
