You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
