when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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