shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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