fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
