You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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