she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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