I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
