My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
