My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
