it wasn't lemon gatorade
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
