hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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