i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
