She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
