Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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