I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
