It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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