I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
