sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
