why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize