I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
