Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
