Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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