It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
