have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
