He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
