and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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