I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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