sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
