??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
