you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
