Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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