I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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