What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
