I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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