she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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