i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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