come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize