Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
