WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
