alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
