u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
